Well, Lent is almost over and I did not get the blogs out that I had hoped to. So, I will just share with you the journey so far as I have walked the journey to Jerusalem with Jesus day by day.
I first want to thank Fr. Mark Toups for the awesome "Journey to Jerusalem" retreat manual! You can find more on him and his materials on priestlyformation.org. I just realized it is also on audio on this website...sorry.
So the journey began after Jesus spent 40 days in the desert and then was tempted by satan. In these last four weeks I have walked daily and placed myself in the scriptures and carefully watched, listened, been a part of what was happening in some of them and got in touch with what was stirring in my heart. Wow! Has it been a journey of the heart, Jesus' that is.
As the days went on, I begin to see more just how much Jesus really longs to be in relationship with me (us). I have seen how determined Jesus is for this. I have seen at a deeper more personal level how I am really nothing without the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit who loved me into existence, who has loved each of us into existence! We are the fruit of Their love!!! That takes my breath away when I let that resonate in the depth of my heart!
Father Mark Toups writes, "Being Christian is not the result of an ethical choice or a lofty idea, but the encounter with an event, a person, which gives life a new horizon and a decisive direction." He goes on to say that Jesus, at the beginning of his journey, knew his destination was Jerusalem and the cross yet, he was still determined because he was in love, because of his encounter with the Father all his life and would do anything because of that Love! Jesus let Love decide everything in his life."
As the journey progressed, I watched the encounter with the Good Samaritan, listened to Jesus speak of the lost sheep with great mercy and love, and the beautiful parable of the prodigal son as Jesus told it to the tax collectors, the prostitutes, the lepers, and thieves; all those judged by society. Whew! How I felt in that scene with them! Then how Jesus healed the woman with the hemorrhage, Jesus raising the official's daughter from death.
Then we moved on to the sinful woman (one of my favorites) who was so bold to enter the house of the Pharisee and used the tears from her weeping to bathe the feet of Jesus. Can you imagine the scandal!? A woman in that time doing something like this was unheard of and it was a great risk for her, yet she knew of, had seen the mercy of Jesus and she became so moved by it that contrition for her sins moved her into this great boldness; she wanted to show Jesus how much she loved him, how grateful she was for his mercy that she was willing to take a chance, a risk of what might happen to her. The love she had for him made her determined! As Father Mark says, she had true contrition, she wasn't just sorry because in the presence of true, pure love, she saw her sins has they truly were, and in that she realized who Jesus was. Her contrition flowed from her gratitude. Father Mark said, "Jesus peers underneath what she has done and seen the reasons for which she did it. Because he sees with the eyes of love and mercy." I had to sit with this awhile just to take in this profound reality.
Since we know Jesus sees the reasons for our sinful acts, what a great opportunity to spend time in prayer with him asking him to show us why and inviting him to enter into those areas of wounds that our sin comes out of, healing them with his love, because that is the ONLY medicine that will heal them. When we can see our own woundedness and the roots of them with Jesus there, through his eyes, beside us as we look, he will hold and love us in them, showing us he was there with us the whole time. That we did not go through them alone. We had someone who really cares about the pain we felt in its many forms. What a comfort! Our spiritual wounds are quite like physical ones and they can and do affect us physically. Think of a wound you have had on your body like maybe a deep cut. What would happen if you do not apply any medication on it? It would get worse and possible spread deeper on or into our body. Think of how it feels when you do apply the medication on it. What happens first? It burns like crazy doesn't it? But the more you apply it the less it hurts and it continues to heal completely. Sometimes it leaves a scar if it is really deep. That scar can be touched and we are reminded, but it does not hurt anymore. Our spiritual wounds are the same. The medicine is Gods perfect and unconditional love, over and over; daily! Throughout scripture we hear and see this happening. Those people, just like us, had tried other things and ways to heal their woundedness, with only temporary fixes then moving on to the next thing or solution. It is only in, with, and through Jesus that we can be healed and filled with what we lack. The more this happens the more we can let go of the false loves in our lives. In this we learn to trust him more and more and our friendship deepens each day.
As Jesus' journey continues he is stirring up scandal. I found myself thinking and pondering just how much am I willing to cause scandal for Jesus. Am I willing to go all the way or does fear of persecution stop me before its too late? We do not want to be persecuted do we? It is uncomfortable, it can be or feel very lonely. It is much easier to just want things to be at rest or peace but that is really a false peace as Father Mark addresses this. He says, "Pacifism rejects truth in order to assure that no one is offended." I can tell you we are not alone in it. God is ALWAYS with us but it is hard to keep that truth at times. This is where our faith and certainly prayer gets us through. It is all about the relationship with Jesus. This is why it is so important. This is why he desires it. He has already walked every journey we have or will so who better to guide us through it?
What I have taken from this journey so far is that I am such a loved sinner! Most of the time I think we are the hardest on ourselves when it comes to our sins and we cannot love ourselves. If we cannot love ourselves we certainly cannot love others. I have heard it said many times to the degree we love ourselves is the degree we love others! This is hard but true. We have to look at the many examples of Jesus with others as he looked upon them with mercy and realize that we can only give mercy to others when we experience the mercy that has been given us.
We are now at the entry of Jerusalem. We know what is to come. This is a week to experience Jesus putting into action all that he has said and taught especially, John 15:12-17
12 This is my commandment: love one another as I love you. 13 No one has greater love than this, to lay down one’s life for one’s friends. 14 You are my friends if you do what I command you. 15 I no longer call you slaves, because a slave does not know what his master is doing. I have called you friends, because I have told you everything I have heard from my Father. 16 It was not you who chose me, but I who chose you and appointed you to go and bear fruit that will remain, so that whatever you ask the Father in my name he may give you. 17 This I command you: love one another.
I hope and pray your Lenten journey has been fruitful in your relationship with Jesus and you know you are a loved sinner!
I ask you to join me and encourage you this week to really immerse yourself into all of of the Liturgy. Go to Holy Thursday Mass. Instead of watching others get their feet washed, close your eyes and experience Jesus washing yours. What does he want to wash away from your life's journey? How does the water feel as it washes over your feet? Look into Jesus' eyes as he holds so tenderly your feet and washes them. What does that stir up in you? Pay attention to your heart.
On Good Friday, as the Passion is being read, close your eyes, watch, listen, feel the emotions of the crowd. How does that make you feel? Look at Mother Mary, Mary Magdalene, John. How are they reacting?
Be at the foot of the cross, allow Jesus' sweat, blood, and tears to fall upon you. What does that feel like? When Jesus says, "I thirst" ask him what he is thirsting for. When he says to his Father, "Father, forgive them for they know not what they do, place yourself up on the cross with him, look out at someone maybe you are struggling to forgive. Let Jesus show you them through his eyes. Jesus knows the pain of being hurt. Jesus could have forgiven them all, he told several in the scriptures they were forgiven remember? Jesus, in his humanity and pain needed the Father to do it. That is true with us sometimes too. We hurt so much from another that we struggle to forgive. In those times ask the Father to forgive them, it is him who forgives. If we hold onto them in our unforgiveness, we hold them and us in bondage.
Spend some time with Our Blessed Mother when Jesus gives her to John (which represents us all) and then gives John to his mother. The Lord shared with me one time when I placed myself in this scene that when one is dying they usually have that someone in their life that they love so much that they want to give their most cherished possession to that person. That most cherished possession Jesus wanted to give us was his Mother! Ponder that one...whew!
I highly recommend also spending time at the Pieta scene. Allow your tears along with Mary's to wash over the beaten and battered body of Jesus; wash away all the blood, sweat, and dried tears. Go with them as they lay him in the tomb and apply the prepared spices on his body.
On Holy Saturday spend some time at the tomb, feel the sorrow that Mary Magdalen is feeling. Then place yourself in her place and listen as the resurrected Jesus calls you by name. What name does he call you by? Get in touch with what his resurrection means, the hope it brings! What is Jesus calling you to now in his resurrection? How do you look resurrected after the time of Lent? What change/changes did you make that Jesus now is asking you to continue?
May we all experience the joy and truth of the resurrected Christ!
Have a happy and blessed Easter!
